No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
