Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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