if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
