I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He better not be in your backpack
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
