how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
