he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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