I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
