You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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