You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
