I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
