The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
