Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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