How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Everyone says I win the strip club
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
