A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
