You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
