We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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