My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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