If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
