Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
