My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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