After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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