And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
