You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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