it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
