Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
