dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
