he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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