mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
