just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
