watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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