Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
