Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
