I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
