I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
