Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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