I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
