I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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