I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
