I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
