You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You're like the curious george of whores
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
