Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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