My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
