I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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