PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Say something about gay babies.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
