i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
