My nipple is on Facebook.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
