I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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