My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
