Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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