I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
