She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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