Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
